Feeling alone in a city of millions

So I have lived in Los Angeles now for several years, I have seen much of this beautiful city, toured the tar pits, seen the Magic Castle, enjoyed the Observatory, hiked the amazing trails & I have met some wonderful people.  However this city is home to an industry that not only encourages people to be fake, but actually makes money from it.  Now Im not saying this is a bad thing, the entertainment industry has brought me happiness on levels that I can't describe, however with the same amount of joy this industry has brought, it has also brought pain, sorrow, depression, and loneliness.

Im an actor/comedian/producer in the entertainment industry I have made a career out of this crazy place for many years and have done some pretty amazing things.  The phrase "its lonely at the top" doesn't always apply to CEOs, Corporate Kings, or Kings in general, it also applies to people that have set themselves apart from others to try and accomplish something that most think is impossible or improbable.  Making a career in this industry is extremely difficult, it take tons of fortitude, forward thinking, perseverance, a tough skin and a lot of work.

So why in a city with millions of people, where over 240,000 people come every year to try and make a career from an industry that can provide joy, excitement, glamour, and sometimes fame is it one of the loneliest places to be?  I have had relationships (most not lasting over 30days), I have friends (only about 2-3 are true and close to me), I have been surrounded by hundreds of people talking or asking me questions (only about 10 are relevant) and yet I still feel alone in a vast ocean with nobody around.

Maybe this is the way life here is supposed to be, maybe its for a greater good, or maybe its just my own inability to connect with someone on a personal level.  I dream of someday having the perfect life.... The career, the family, the peace of mind, and of course the happiness.......

Sometimes the Romantic Comedy doesn't come true

Whatever happened to the guy with the radio above his head?  The criminal who gives his earring to the princess?  Maybe the Prince & Princess going away to Princeton together?  One of my favorites riding into the sunset with the lawn boy on his lawn mower.

These are just in the movies, this isn't how love really happens.  I used to believe in true love, soul mates, the living happily ever after, but as I grew up the realization that maybe that movie type of love no matter how desirable just isn't realistic.  Some people might think me as bitter, or mad, maybe even a depressed lunatic, but the facts are simple, love is hard, love is something that takes two people who care for each other.

I have loved, I felt I had a soul mate someone who I truly cared about & would have done anything for.  However when that person left for another world, she took a piece of my heart & soul.  Since then I have been very protected, walls built around my heart & soul so I would never be hurt again.

Well now a few years later, the time has come for me to bring down those walls, to risk being hurt again, to find love.  Im not sure what the future will hold, not sure what will happen, but Im looking forward to believing again in my own Romantic Comedy Love.

To my future soul mate wherever you are, I will be waiting for you with the radio, the earring, driving into the sunset on...... well anything as long as its with you.

Another Disappointment

I met one of the most wonderful, intelligent, amazing, inspirational woman of my life.  I have had the opportunity to fall in love with this amazing soul!!  I finally got the courage to see if she wanted to become more than friends, we have EVERYTHING in common, down to the type of ice cream we like.... I couldn't have found a more perfect match.  However she is "seeing how things go" with another person from her past, that isn't a match for her at all.  This is a common story, a very real issue in my life, I just would like to understand what is wrong with me.  I know it cant be the other women, so it must be something I am doing wrong, or something about me that just isn't right.  I have been told I am the perfect boyfriend, however Im not sure how those ladies can say that about me when they have never dated me.

Maybe I am destined to die alone, if so then please come take me sooner than later :-(

Very Depressed and Alone